Damn. I am jealous of other people’s connections that they have been feeling with you lately.  I woke up today feeling almost guilty for the numbness I have been  swimming in the last couple of weeks. I can physically feel and mentally see you fading.  Fading out of my head, dreams, conversations and my present moments. I keep thinking maybe this is just time scabbing over the freshness of loosing you. But then I think maybe I am just ignoring you because its easier not to hold on so tight all the time.

Maybe its because we haven’t talked in four months. Haven’t spoken a damn word.  It’s like you are getting heavier to pull into my world. I should pull harder, right? Keep you in my pocket, right? Like I said a couple of months ago.  Most of the time its not enlightening or refreshing to hold you that close.  Its so overwhelmingly painful because I want something thats straight up impossible.  I want to pull you all the way back from that night so bad.  Shit, I want to pull you outta the darkness that you surrounded yourself with the last couple of years, Chels. Rewind time.

I have been wearing your baller little flat bill that finally came to fruition.  I expected to put it on and have you pop into the room or something.  Don’t get me wrong it is my favorite hat I have ever had and most meaningful thing I have ever designed.  I have never really owned something that I have been super scared about loosing.  I hope it gets sun faded and taken on adventures to who knows where for my whole life.

Expectations are so dangerous.  I expected to have you at my wedding, be crazy Auntie Chelsea, and be chillen on each others porches till the end of time.  I expected you to change your situation, stop associating with people who didn’t support you in any way but like clouds they didn’t hold your fall.

I am still uncomfortable accepting that I have accepted your passing. That I can now calmly tell people where I got my rose hat from without exploding into an emotional ramble. It bothers me that I am reaching a Chelsea-less normal.  It hit home today, but feel free to help me snap out of my distance whenever you please.

Love always,


Sharing The Essence Of Chelsea Rose Murphy – By Betsy Whitmarsh

The Essence of

Chelsea Rose Murphy, Chelsea Murphy
Chelsea Rose Murphy, Chelsea Murphy

Chelsea Rose Murphy


noun: essence
1 the intrinsic nature or indispensable quality of something, especially something abstract, that determines its character.

 a property or group of properties of something without which it would not exist or be what it is. plural noun: essences

2 an extract or concentrate obtained from a particular plant or other matter and used for flavoring or scent.

Synonyms: quintessence, soul, spirit, nature, core, heart, crux, nucleus, substance, principle, fundamental quality, sum and substance, warp and woof, reality, actuality, nitty-gritty.

Please post
• A word
• A phrase
• A picture
• A memory
• A favorite show or movie
• A favorite food or restaurant
• Feel free to think outside of the box!

Chelsea Rose Murphy and Katie Carr
Chelsea Rose Murphy and Katie Carr

I thought I’d re-post what we have so far. We are up to 187 comments and pics. Thanks to everyone who has participated.. If you see any errors, just message me and I’ll get them fixed ASAP!


Brave Sublime Sensitive ️ Hilarious ️ Fearless ️ Straightforward. Never held back what she thought. Lol! Comforting Jokester ️ Mischievous (in a good way) ️ Laid back Accepting Flexible (although not literally, she tried, but never could touch her toes)! Unapologizing A Friend Magnetic! There was just something about her… Charismatic Carefree ️ Bold ️ Daring ️ Cosmic Uninhibited Intelligent Sarcastic Assertive ️ Soulful ️ The-best-sister-anybody-could-ever-ask-for BEAUTIFUL! Courageous ️ Self-Assured ️ Compassionate Leader ️ Majestic! ️ Animal-Lover Thoughtful! Beautiful Loving Funny! Lovable! Spirited! Gorgeous ️ Easy-going ️ Teammate ️ Laid-back ️ Illustrious ️ Unparalleled ️ Smart-ass Legend… wait for it… ️ Dary!!! Legendary 🙂 [‘How I Met Your Mother,’ we watched together many a times in our dorm] Contagious… her attitude spread amongst us all ️ Rambunctious ️ No-regrets ️ Gorgeous ️ Glowing ️ Effervescent ️ Enjoyable ️ Outgoing ️ Loved ️ One-of-a-kind ️ Loyal ️ Understanding ️ Unmistakable ️ Alluring Protective ️ Passionate ️ Brazen Bewitching ️ Ballsy ️ Cherished Blunt ️ Goofy Strong ️ Unpredictable Confident ️ Gorgeous ️ Lioness ️ Defiant ️ Empowering Radiant ️ Nice ️ Always there for me Good horseback rider ️ Sassy ️ Strawberry Blond Come-back Queen Relentless Precious Observant Unusual Brave Entertaining Fierce Magnetic Unbridled Unbelievably beautiful and heartfelt Spontaneous Self-aware Spunky Striking Deeply missed! One of a kind! Funny & caring Quick-and-curious-and-playful-and-strong Loved Ornery Giggly Feisty Dynamic Thongs Victoria’s Secret Yellow Cards Simply herself Stubborn Curious (or nosey) Brave Best-babysitter Montessori-child Spirited A Gift Daughter Golden Vivacious Missed Fun Accepting Loving Awesome Leader Trend-setter Naked YOLO Amazing Loyal Tireless Full of wonder Full of beauty Full of light Hard working ️ Thoughtful ️ Unpretentious ️ Radiant ️ I highly recommend reading all these comments in a row. So awesome. (Kaitlyn O) ️ Boundless ️ Happy-go-lucky ️ Vibrant ️ Contagious ️ Unforgettable Sunshine ️ Rooster-booster-slushee-lover FEARLESS!!! ️ Enigma ️ Vivacious ️ Not-a-basic-bitch ️ Laughter ️ Ever-present ️ Comforting ️ Inclusive ️ Best friend ️ Hard worker ️ Unpredictable ️ Disarming ️ Short-skirted (especially at church)! Remembered ️ Survivor ️ Uncontrollable Daring ️ Nonjudgmental ️ Wildly-ridiculous ️ Out-of-hand-hilarious ️ Up-in-yo-grill ️ Pillow-sharer ️ Crowd-surfer ️ Weirdo ️ Chiller A-raging-river ️ Strong hands (you are so beautiful…) ️ Leg-scratcher ️ Itsy snuggler ️ Generous ️ Fridge snooper ️ All about the bass ️ Missed ️ Protective ️ Indispensable ️ Gritty ️ Principled